Yes, friends, it's time we told you what the best films of 2002 are going to be. And I can confidently predict that The Bourne Identity won't be one of them. From its thickset and in fact generally thick hero (who, sad to say, doesn't say "Matt Damon! MATT DAMON!" even once), to its ineffectual and drugged-up "oh, did someone just try to kill us? oh well, hee hee, in German" heroine / love interest, to its plodding pace, its lack of scale, its meaningless plot, the most amateurish secret agency ever, and its complete misuse of Julia Stiles, this is just woeful. The end song - with a chorus approximating "Oh man, then everything just fell apart" - was more welcome than usual in cases like this. Seriously, this has to tank like a big big tank of tanking things...
... what? It was successful and kicked off a three-movie franchise? God, the world has no standards. Tune in again sometime soon when we watch the second instalment and see how 2004's audiences will be amazed and awestruck by its effervescent genius.
(I'm sorry to report that I saw the third one first. It was formulaic crap with even less from Julia Stiles than the first one.)
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1 comment:
Am sitting bored at work, waiting for women to need caesarian sections or sink plunger baby removals. One of the things about you having a slightly unusual name is that you are easy to find every few years - just to see what you are upto..
Will drop you a line at your hotmail address anyway
Best Wishes
Mr.Platitude.
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